By Brian Lee
Last month I wrote about the rampant overpopulation of immigrant baby boomers running amok with our local demographic. Sometimes the future is so clear you can’t even see it and on May Day weekend, the solution that’s going to equalize the trend hit me.The future of our community is ― longboarders.
Sure. After nine years, there’s not a longboarder in North America who doesn’t know what ― or where ― Attack of Danger Bay is. They’re young and preparing to start families and they need to live somewhere they can longboard. How many of those Kitsilano transplants I talked about last month came for the first time to fish, fell in love with the place and decided to move here?
Mark my words, they’re coming. As they trickle in over the next decade or so, they’ll quietly assume positions in local boards and volunteer organizations, filling the vacuum left by exiting boomers. We’ll see the Bargain Barn move from selling second hand clothing to used decks, helmets and leathers.
There’ll be no need for chamber music or jazz after the Pender Punk Festival draws over 40,000 visitors to see the aging Bricin Lyons and his band Loose Tooth spit toothpaste all over their fans.
The new residents’ motto, "Golf Sucks," will eventually result in the Pender Harbour Golf Course becoming North America’s first longboarding skills park. Membership skyrockets.
And though the Pender Harbour-Egmont town council will have more piercings than a pincushion they will finally solve the ultimate question ― cars or boarders? And after cars are banned from all but the flattest sections of highway, we’ll find the cost of maintenance contracts go down. Good thing too because we’ll need that surplus to pour back into the new seven-vehicle ambulance station.
When a Reid wins Attack of Danger Bay 27, the Madeira Gazebo crew will finally stop repeating that tired joke:
"How do you hide a longboarder’s paycheque? Put it in his work boot."
Besides, unemployment will drop to nil soon after Prime Minister Layton confirms funding for the 150-bed head trauma facility built on the site of the old Petro Can gas station. No cars ― no need for gas.
Not everyone is happy though.
Without a sale in three years, local realtors will band together to take the town to court over their decision to allow squatters’ rights in non-permanent residences. The Supreme Court upholds the decision, making former Daniel Point residents furious.
The new membership of the Irvines Landing Community Association will vote overwhelmingly to turn the Sarah Wray Hall into a school. None know it used to be one. With 184 kids, it becomes the third biggest elementary schoool in Pender Harbour.
And for some reason, a radical fringe of the new longboarder influx will splinter off to settle in Egmont.
No one there seems to notice.
cool article
Posted by: Lee Cation | June 28, 2010 at 02:04 PM
As one of the longboarders from Arizona (been to 4 Danger Bays) who dreams of having a summer house in Pender one day, I gotta say that this was hilarious!!
Great outlook, and don't be scared, we'll be nice!!
Posted by: Brody W | June 07, 2010 at 02:40 PM